PUNISHMENTS ?

Alternatives to punishment :

1. Point out a way to be helpful

2. Express strong disapproval (without attacking character)

3. State your expectations

4. Show the child how to make amends. This helps the child restore his good feelings about himself after the remorse of behaving badly

5. Give a choice

6. Take action

7. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his behavior

8. Problem Solve

Punishment does not work because it is a distraction. Discipline means education! It requires mutual respect and trust. Punishment requires external control, coercion, or force.

When a problem persists after using alternatives to punishment, it is usually more complex than it originally appeared.

To problems solve :

1.   Talk about the child's feelings and needs

2.   Talk about your feelings and needs

3.   Brainstorm together to find a mutually agreeable solution

4.   Write down all ideas, without evaluating whether they are "good" or "bad"

5.   Decide which suggestions you like, don't like, and which you plan to follow through on

This process gives children the tools that will enable them to be active participants in solving problems that confront them.

To prepare for the problem solving process, remember these points :

- Be accepting of your child and listen for feelings and ideas you may not have heard before.

- Don't be restricted by time; you may need to finish later.

-Consider new ideas.

- Do not evaluate, judge, lecture, persuade, or convince your child to see things your way.

- Remember to follow through on all of your hard work.

- Do not let your child blame or accuse you at any point. State firmly that there is not accusation or discussion about the past, and the goal is to focus on a solution for the future.