IF YOUR CHILD DOES NOT RESPOND TO YOU

If your child does not respond to you or you cannot seem to get through,think about the following :

1. Is the request appropriate for your child's age and ability ?

2. Does your child feel the request is unreasonable?  (why do I need to wash behind my ears where no one sees?)

3.   Can you give her a choice about when or how to do something? (before your bath or after, eat on the red plate or the blue plate)

4.   Are there physical changes in the environment that could be made to make things easier for you child, such as lower coat hangers, more closet shelves?

5. Are you taking time to spend time with you child, or is most of your time spent asking him to do things?

If your child has had heavy doses of criticism in the past in is now hypersensitive, it may time having many things overlooked and receiving much approval before it will work to have her hear the slightest bit of disapproval. Eventually most children respond to the respectful methods mentioned.

If it works to use humor with your children, do so!

Before repeating yourself a second or third time, find out if your child has heard you.

If your child often says she will help "later" and does not follow through, work with the child to plan exactly when she will complete the task. The conversation could go like this: "It would help me to know when you plan to mow the lawn." "After this show." When is that?" "An hour." "Ok, good. I know the lawn will be mowed at 5pm."

Cautions :

- Describing what you see is only helpful when it is not irritating, and the child feels his help is genuinely needed.

- Refrain from giving the child information she already knows

- Do not use your child's name as a one word statement. The child may begin to associate his name with disapproval.

- For children who are very sensitive to their parents' disapproval, a statement of expectations is best. Instead of "I am very angry that you pulled the cat's tail" you may say "I expect you to be kind to animals".

- Even if these skills are always followed correctly, your children will not always respond.They are not robots, and we are trying to speak to their intelligence rather than manipulate them.