PARENTS TRY GET CHILDREN TO COOPERATE

Ways parents may try to get their children to cooperate :

1.   Blaming and accusing: "Why did you get your pants dirty again? You always do that. What's wrong with you?"

2.   Name calling: "Look at this messy room. You are such a slob."

3.   Threats: "If you do that one more time, you'll never see that ball again."

4.   Commands: "You still didn't put your backpack away. Do it now! Move!"

5.   Lecturing and moralizing: "Teasing Sara was not a nice thing to do. Is that how you'd like to be treated?"

6.   Warnings: "Careful, or you'll fall and crack your head open!"

7.    Martyrdom statements: "Do you see all my gray hairs? They are because of you two fighting all the time!"

8.   Comparisons: "Lisa's son is so well-behaved. Why can't you act more like that?"

9.   Sarcasm: "You expect to get an A with that poor work?"

10. Prophecy: "Just keep on being selfish. No one will ever want to play with you and you'll grow up with no friends."

Sometimes hurtful words linger and children use them on themselves later. Think of the reaction you may have to these types of statements if you were a child.

To get your child to cooperate without damaging her self-esteem :

1. Give information: "the towel is getting the rug wet" or "wet rugs can mold". This provides the child with knowledge for the rest of his life, and instills the message that "grown-ups trust me with responsibility once I know the facts".

 2. Say it with a word: "The towel!" or "the light!".  Rather then being seen as an oppressive command, this gives the child the opportunity to use his/her own initiative and intelligence to figure out what needs to be done.

3. Describe what you feel: "I don't like walking on a wet floor" or "I don't like picking up towels I did not use".  Children are capable of dealing with appropriate statements of their parents' feelings. Children whose feelings are respected will most likely respect their parents' feelings. If not, explain that you care about how you feel, and you care about how they feel.

4. Write a note: "Please hang me here when finished so I can dry, your wet towel" (above towel rack). Both young and older children like to receive notes and they are a quick method for parents to reach their children.

It is appropriate to ask a child to "please" do something in relaxed moments, such as when passing the salt at dinner, but when parents are upset, "please" may make the situation more intense, and speaking forcefully rather than pleading with your child may work more efficiently.